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Positive Self-Image: An Alternative to Dieting

While sitting in a diet class listening to an instructor lecture on goal setting and positive thinking, I became aware of my real goal. I listened as she told us of her highest goal, which was to be thin forever. Inside me something screamed: "The hell with being thin forever. I want to be free from dieting forever!."

After weeks of struggle, losing a few pounds and then gaining some back, I felt trapped. Even though I had lost about 15 pounds over a three month period, I felt that I'd never be set free from my self-imposed prison.

That night I started on the road to success. I went home, sat down and began to set my goals. My top priority was to be free from dieting forever, which meant the war against fat would be over. I realized that in order to win a war, somebody must lose, and that since the war was with a part of myself, a part of me had to die.

I decided that if peace meant resigning myself to being fat but gained for me self-esteem in loving and accepting myself as I was, then I was willing to work out a negotiation. This first resolve gave me a tremendous sense of freedom.

For the first time I gave full recognition to both the fat and the thin me that struggled within. "We" were going to work together to achieve a common goal: freedom form food that seemed to control us.

A person who has never had a weight problem doesn't understand the mental and emotional anguish that is brought about by fear of food tat will " make you fat." Food cannot really be enjoyed because there is too much guilt connected with it. As you eat your favorite ice cream sundae, a little voice haunts you, saying " you are going to pay for this tomorrow, because this is fattening!"

Most people believe that eating too much is the principal cause of a fat body, but it is only a small part of the problem. If the greatest reason for being overweight were really food, dieting would have more than a mere 2 percent chance of success past six months. Approaching the problem of weight loss by using food as the solution has many flaws. The diet industry seems to have done the same thing with food as the health industry did with illness -- focusing on symptoms rather than underlying causes.

Let's look at two types of thin people. The first are those who are not naturally thin, but manage to maintain their weight within five-to-eight pounds by dieting or by fasting; they are thin, but pay a price to be that way.

I decided to observe naturally thin people and gain some insight into what helped them be naturally thin. I found that these people:

• Do not think of food in terms of "fattening." In fact, if you told them that food makes you fat, they would probably respond, "Food doesn't make you fat. I eat anything I want and I'm not fat."
• They eat anytime they want and only when hungry. Many times that means not eating when satisfied, and don't continue stuffing themselves past that point.
• They eat slowly and with single-minded purpose, not standing up or while trying to do something else at the same time.
• They truly enjoy what they eat as an act of pleasure without guilt.
• They don't have a preoccupation with food. They think about food only when hungry.
• They don't view food as calories that make them fat, but as energy to sustain. God didn't crate food to be our enemy.
• They don't use food as a solution to a problem.
• They don't eat as a response to anger, guilt, depression, failure, or any other negative emotion.

I have taught many classes on positive thinking and self-awareness, but I never fully applied the techniques to losing weight. At one time or another I used positive affirmations, post- hypnotic suggestions, and other forms of creative imagery, but found they didn't last. Once I kept my weight off for almost two years without dieting, but all of a sudden I began to gain weight. I had to find out why the "fat me" needed to exist.

Since a large part of my work involves body symbology, I started from there. My body was telling me that it needed protection from something, because body fat is an insulator (usually against heat, cold, and the elements). Self awareness was not easy; I had t be completely honest with myself.

Although thin as a child, I started to gain weight at puberty. I had always been a physically active child and a bit of a tomboy. In retrospect, I realized that as I developed into a young lady, I had difficulty coping with my emerging sexuality. Prior to that, I always had felt equal to the boys around me, my friends. Now I began to be different, and I resented the changes in my body. Fat was my protection against those changes.

The theme of " fat as protection" was emphasized by my experiences as a small child. From the time I was four years old, I was sexually abused by various men around me, men I trusted and respected. By abused I mean fondled and touched in ways I didn't want -- which to a small child is very damaging and confusing. The need to insulate myself from any developing sexuality was imperative.

I persuaded myself that if you were fat you didn't have t worry about anyone approaching you sexually. When I reviewed the time I started to gain weight after keeping it off for two years, I realized it coincided with an incident in which a friend of the family accosted me sexually in my own home. This triggered my past memories of childhood insecurities. This aggression outraged me because I had done nothing to encourage this behavior. How could this be happening to me again?

Fear started to rise in me, and I now see that the association of "thin and sexy" changed to "fat and safe." I was not, of course, conscious of this feeling at the time. It was only in looking back that I am now able to understand why I needed to insulate myself against sexual abuse as I had in the past. This realization led me to my next step: reprogramming my mind.

I started with building a positive picture of what I wanted. I created what is known as a "treasure map." This is a visual affirmation of your goals. I spent three hours cutting out pictures and words that affirmed what I wanted. Much to my surprise, it was more fun than I'd had in a long time. After I finished, I put them in a prominent place so I would see them everyday. It became a constant reminder of what I would achieve.

I didn't take long before I was shedding unwanted pounds faster than when I was dieting, but I knew that they wouldn't stay off unless I did some house cleaning of unresolved problems. This process involved the use of written affirmations. The first one that I used was: "I Roxan, deserve to be thin." Each time I wrote this I stopped and reflected on what I felt when I wrote it. I then recorded, along with the affirmation, my feeling about it.

In the process of recording my feelings, I found out what payoffs -- or rewards-- I got for being overweight. Each time you find a payoff, you must exchange it for a positive affirmation, and work with it until you get a positive response. The chart on this page shows you how this works:

AFFIRMATION RESPONSE I, Roxan, deserve to maintain my perfect weight of 140 have a problem with seeing myself pounds, no matter what I eat. thinner than I am now.

( same as above) I have a fear of failure. What's going to happen if I reach 140 pounds and can't keep the weight off?

(same as above) What if I get a sexy body-- how am I going to handle it?

(same as above) Beauty queens don't have brains. I am either thin and pretty, or smart and fat.

(same as above) If I could lose weight before and keep it off for two years, I can do it now.

(same as above) The time is now.

(same as above) Bet I can make that 135 pounds.

(same as above) Sexy, I can handle it. I can say "No" and mean it.

In all the affirmations I used my name because it identifies me much more personally than just using "I". By using the response mechanism to this affirmation I found that my payoffs, or underlying beliefs that don't support my wanting to be thin are these:

1. By keeping myself fat I didn't have to risk failure; if I had lost weight and then put it back on, for example, I would have failed.
2. I was willing to feel safe in order to avoid dealing with my sexuality; a sexy body meant I would have to deal with potential sexual overtones.
3. I wanted people to respect me for my intelligence, not for a sexy body.

In order to lose weight, you must be willing to give up all the payoffs. To do that, you have to turn each negative thought and / or felling into a positive affirmation. Here are my payoffs converted to affirmations:

• I, Roxan, am a success no matter if I am thin or fat.
• I, Roxan, can deal with my sexuality and feel safe at the same time. I have the right to say "No" and mean it.
• I, Roxan, no long value my mind over my body; they are both equally important to me.
• I, Roxan, deserve to be a sexual person, it is my birth right.

Affirmations do work, and I am living proof of that. They have helped change my life, and I am working with new ones every day.

I don't in any way wish to imply that the only reason for being overweight is because of sexual abuse; it merely happened to be my personal reason. Here are a few "hidden" beliefs for which we might wish to keep ourselves padded with fat. See if you can relate to any of the following:

1. Lots of food keeps you healthy or I was always hungry as a child and I never want to be starving again.
2.  The motherly image, playing the part well (big breasts to nurture, large warm lap to sit on);
3. Need to be big and strong to push your weight around;
4. Patterning ourselves after our parents or family stature;
5. To give comfort to ourselves;
6. To get attention ( a way to get people to notice us);
7. To get back at our parents (weight is the only thing they can't control about us, );
8. As a social barrier (people don't ask much of fat people);
9. It give you an excuse to not have to succeed at life, you can blame it on your weight;
10. It's a way to deal with anger that can't be expressed in a acceptable way:
11. It's a way to insulate us form the cruel world that we can't deal with.

The scientific community is now saying that dieting actually contributes to obesity by disturbing the natural metabolic processes. In dieting we give up our personal power by allowing something outside of ourselves (the diet) to control ourselves, and if it fails, so do we. By using methods that explore the self more deeply, we can reclaim the self-autonomy that is ours by birthright.

There are two excellent books on this subject, which I wish I had read before beginning my own process of transformation. The first is THE ONLY DIET THERE IS By Sondra Ray, and the second is WEIGHT NO MORE By Karen Darling. Both books can be obtained through your local book store.

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